Joke Thread

Rally Monkey · Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 6:08 pm Post subject:

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell, and the owner tells him
the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and
sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk
when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I
told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me
jetting from country to country,sitting in rooms with spies and
world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping I
was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running." "But
the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting
any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the
airport to do some under cover security work, mostly wandering near
suspicious characters and listening in I uncovered some incredible
dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a
mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants
for the dog.

"Ten dollars"

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him
so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit."
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Go Phuck yourself

Rally Monkey · Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 11:38 pm Post subject:

Two Middle Eastern mothers are sitting in the cafe chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The elder of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now" "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He's a martyr now though" mom confides. "Oh so sad dear" says the other.

"And this is my second son Kalid. He's 21" "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born". "He's a martyr too" says mom quietly. "Oh gracious me." says the other.

"And this is my third son. My baby, my beautiful Ahmed, he's 18, she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school". "He's a martyr also," says mom, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says... *

They blow up so fast, don't they?"
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Go Phuck yourself

Drunken Monkey · Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 11:57 pm Post subject:

lol that's bad
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YAT YAS

if You Ain't Tracks, You Ain't Shit

Wang Chung · Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 12:22 am Post subject:

Two guys are driving down the street. They see two dogs having sex on someone's lawn. The first guy says "That really is the best way to make love."

The second guy says "I don't know if my wife would go for that"

"Hell, make her a few martinis, she'll go for it"

The next week they see each other. The first guy says "Hey did you try it?"

The second guy says "Yeah, but it took 8 martinis"

"8 Martinis! Holy Crap!"

"Yeah, after two she was feeling frisky, but it took 6 more to get her out on that guys lawn."
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is now -=|CT|=- Frothy Mixture

Cpt. LandLubber · Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 1:52 am Post subject:

ahaha

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Vlad Piranha · Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 10:30 pm Post subject: This fits the forums

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants
The bartender asks him, "What the hell is that for?"
The Pirate replies, "Yarr! Drives me nuts!"

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Some of you may have seen this already, I showed Supa

CountChocula · Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 10:47 pm Post subject: Re: This fits the forums

Vlad Piranha wrote:

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants
The bartender asks him, "What the hell is that for?"
The Pirate replies, "Yarr! Drives me nuts!"

I'm not sure what's more sad... that joke, or the fact that I LMAO'd at it.. Laughin Pirate

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Quote:

[20:43] -≠∫ĆŤ∫≠- ŜρξčļαГ јỈмMﻻ: we'll aim for bender
[20:43] -≠∫ĆŤ∫≠- ŜρξčļαГ јỈмMﻻ: but use a lot of napalm

Gen. Death · Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:08 am Post subject: Re: This fits the forums

CountChocula wrote:

Vlad Piranha wrote:

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants
The bartender asks him, "What the hell is that for?"
The Pirate replies, "Yarr! Drives me nuts!"

I'm not sure what's more sad... that joke, or the fact that I LMAO'd at it.. Laughin Pirate

the simplicity Laughin Pirate

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将軍
-=|CT|=-Gen. Death

The wronging of the past must be made right in the present.

GotMilk? wrote:

The ones I would recruit are not the ones going "HOW DOES I JOIN TC?!"

Vlad Piranha · Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 11:47 am Post subject:

The first time I heard this joke was at a friend's house when he and his roommate were absolutely trashed. There's some sort of magic in hearing two drunks yelling the punchline in their best pirate voices. Drunkenness make everything better. Yarr!
Mug Toast

Zell · Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 11:37 am Post subject:

their are 3 guys in a plane 1st guy sais : i dare you to thow down a coin.
2nd guy: ok here it goes!
and he throws down a coin
3'd guy: i dare you to throw down your shoe !
2nd uy thows out his shoe and sais :thats all easy to throw down
1st guy ok then throw down a bom!!
2nd ok no problem!! ,and he throws out a bom
after a while the plane lands ,and the 3 guys find a kid crying,they ask why he is crying,the kid sais : a coin fell on my hand and it hurts weeiihh weeiihh.
the 3 guys move and find some other kid covered in cake , the guys ask why he is coverd in cake and he sais : i was just walking and a shoe fell in my cake whic made it spatter in my face =(!!
the guys move on and some kid laughing infront of a burning pile of rock. the guys ask hy he his so happy, th kid sais: my mom farted and the scool exploded!! Razz

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Bender wrote:

[BB]Frontpage wrote:

im proud on you, son

didn't know 10 year old kids were allowed to refer elders as son

Wang Chung · Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 2:21 pm Post subject:

How old are you again?
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is now -=|CT|=- Frothy Mixture

C y a n o s i s · Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 4:53 pm Post subject:

Wang Chung wrote:

How old are you again?

Ahahahah

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Retired CT Member

Gen. Death · Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 6:20 pm Post subject:

Wang Chung wrote:

How old are you again?

why should you be asking him, hes not the one who posted an idiotic response like this

Hi, my name is Mike, I have to do some research, can I check your anal cavity plzplzplz?

seeing as you are a guy who knows much I thought youd be better, except you had to say that
_________________
将軍
-=|CT|=-Gen. Death

The wronging of the past must be made right in the present.

GotMilk? wrote:

The ones I would recruit are not the ones going "HOW DOES I JOIN TC?!"

Wang Chung · Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 6:24 pm Post subject:

Right, but I'm not the one who'd come up with an idiotic request such as ZOMG GIVE ME ACCESS TO THE TRASH BIN NOW PLLZZZZZZZZZ I NEED TO DO RESEARCH OMG URGENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Nor am I the one who'd hijack another topic just because I'm an idiot.

But I digress. Continue with the humor mates.
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is now -=|CT|=- Frothy Mixture

Gen. Death · Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 6:31 pm Post subject:

Wang Chung wrote:

Right, but I'm not the one who'd come up with an idiotic request such as ZOMG GIVE ME ACCESS TO THE TRASH BIN NOW PLLZZZZZZZZZ I NEED TO DO RESEARCH OMG URGENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF YOU ARE GOING TO TYPE IN CAPS ILL DO TOO

IF YOU HAD BRAINS YOU WOULD KNOW THAT EVERYCT HAD ACCES TO THEM ON THAT SITE WHEN IT WAS STILL USED
_________________
将軍
-=|CT|=-Gen. Death

The wronging of the past must be made right in the present.

GotMilk? wrote:

The ones I would recruit are not the ones going "HOW DOES I JOIN TC?!"