Client Tardation

massive · Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 11:54 am Post subject: Client Tardation

Many of us work in the IT field, or just being tech savy help many family & friends with their computer fuck ups. Please share your 'original' humorous anecdotes Laughing

Here's one from yesterday: Client machine had a bad CPU fan, I had a tech go out and replace it. Tech reported that strange mojo coming from that machine, but it was back up & working. Next morning no boot, HD error. Tech goes out, determines, yes HD bad - but has a bad notion about the whole system. Client says "oh, I'll replace hard drive myself". Tech obliges as the customer is always right Wink

Got a call: "....the hard drive caught on fire" Me, "It got fried?" (not knowing what he meant) Him, "No it actually has flames, caught on fire!"
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Vlad Piranha wrote:

I'm offended that a zombie holocaust isn't on the list. It would be terrifying, sure, but it would be pretty sweet if you think about it.

Reegad · Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:42 pm Post subject:

Lol xD
Heres one from monday.

Customer: Hey, the projector in room D110 isnt working.
Me: Have you tried turning it on?
Customer: No.
Me: Please do.
Customer: Yay it works!
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Erwin Rommel wrote:

-=|CT|R|=-Erdős Pál: hello brother
-=|CT|=- Reegad: hello sister
-=|CT|=- Reegad: xD

RK-Mara · Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:25 pm Post subject:

A teacher tried to show a PowerPoint presentation from her laptop through a projector but even after several minutes of trying she couldn't get it working. I came in late so I had to go to the first row and saw the VGA cable on the floor, unplugged. I gave it to her and said ''You might want to plug this in first''. ''Geez, I knew something was missing''
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RK-Mara · Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:28 pm Post subject:

Here is one.
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Stealth · Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 2:16 pm Post subject:

Teacher: My computer is acting weird with bugs and it won't read or even open the CD drive.
Me: Okay. *glances and installs the newest version of Norton.*
Teacher: OMG, why did that work?
Me: I really wish I could just uninstall it.

Mom: The printer broke.
Me: Setting it on the table doesn't make it wireless.
Mom: Ohh...
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Motherfucking Triangles! Being all three sided n' shit, who do they think they are?!

AxeBlind · Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 5:27 pm Post subject:

My father can't even turn on a computer. To show you how out of the loop he is, one day he borrowed my truck for some reason long forgotten. I had a Doors cd in the cd player, and my dad, being from that era is a fan of the Doors. When the cd ended he ejected it and put it back in, upside down like a record. I discovered this the next day after he told me the cd player had stopped working.
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Erwin Rommel · Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 5:55 pm Post subject:

Just in case no one has seen this site:

http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/
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Wang Chung · Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 6:37 pm Post subject:

These stories are probably two of the funniest / stupidest things I can recall:

Back in the day at HS, I did computer repair shit as an understudy to a teacher who was the local IT whiz for about 3 years. I always bugged the school about hiring me in the summer, but they always turned me down which pissed me off because I always felt like I was a lot better than the people they paid full time.

We had a "tech fair" thing every year, and I always did "Build your own computer" that involved me bringing my desktop, setting it up with a science fair display, and fielding questions from parents as I let their kids frag on CS. Needless to say I had the biggest crowd Smile

(until the superintendent shut me down because it was too violent. I then protested by playing Oregon Trail and loudly yelling every time someone died of Dysentery.) Anywayz, I ask the head tech lady if I can have me some internets. She says, "Yeah, Mrs. So-and-So (full-time bozo at the HS) will get you one." So this other aide comes over and gives me an ethernet jack, I thank her and plug it in.

I can't connect to the internets on the PC of course, in fact, the connection wasn't even trying to get an IP address. So I was like, fuck, guess it's not plugged in? I decided to trace this cord through this cafeteria .. and...

IT WAS PLUGGED INTO THE BACK OF A FUCKING CASH REGISTER!

AND THEY HIRED THIS LADY FULL-TIME!

:/

I'll post the other story when I feel like it.
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is now -=|CT|=- Frothy Mixture

Erwin Rommel · Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 6:39 pm Post subject:

Wang Chung wrote:

(until the superintendent shut me down because it was too violent. I then protested by playing Oregon Trail and loudly yelling every time someone died of Dysentery.)

That's 10x funnier now that I've talked to you in Vent and can imagine your voice.
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RK-Mara · Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 4:12 am Post subject:

Wang Chung wrote:

IT WAS PLUGGED INTO THE BACK OF A FUCKING CASH REGISTER!

You can download all their moneyz.
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Stealth · Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 6:13 pm Post subject:

Quote:

* Customer: "I can't do this button right."
* Tech Support: "Come again?"
* Customer: "I can't do this button on the screen. It says I have to click on this button, but I can't seem to figure it right."
* Tech Support: "Ma'am, exactly how are you trying to click on the screen?"
* Customer: "Well, I'm pressing the button on the screen with the mouse thing."
* Tech Support: "Wait a second -- are you touching the screen?"
* Customer: "Of course! I'm pressing the mouse thing on the button!"

The client was physically touching the screen with the mouse. I had her put her poor mouse down onto its mouse pad and vainly tried to explain to her the relationship between mouse and cursor. She didn't get it. It was like a video game that was too hard for her.

* Tech Support: "Move the cursor onto the button that says 'Next'."
* Customer: "Ok...ok...come on, move over there...come on come on comeoncomeoncomeon...DAMMIT, I went past it! Ok, get back there, come on you stupid thing...come one...OK! OK, I GOT IT ON THERE! IT'S ON THE BUTTON!!!"
* Tech Support: (face in hands) "Now press the button on the mouse.
* Customer: "Nothing happens."
* Tech Support: "Are you pressing the right button or the left button?"
* Customer: "How am I supposed to know which one is the right one to press?"
* Tech Support: "Not right as in 'correct;' right as in 'the opposite of left.'"
* Customer: "Oh. Yes, I'm pressing the right one."
* Tech Support: "You need to press the left one."
* Customer: "But I'm left-handed, and I want to press the other one."

I saw that on that site ya posted.

I couldn't stop laughing at

Quote:

* Customer: "Ok...ok...come on, move over there...come on come on comeoncomeoncomeon...DAMMIT, I went past it! Ok, get back there, come on you stupid thing...come one...OK! OK, I GOT IT ON THERE! IT'S ON THE BUTTON!!!"

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Motherfucking Triangles! Being all three sided n' shit, who do they think they are?!

massive · Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 9:09 pm Post subject:

lmao - some gold there. I like how we tech type assume that the 'client' can't possibly be THAT stupid -- only to be proved wrong over and over Confused

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Vlad Piranha wrote:

I'm offended that a zombie holocaust isn't on the list. It would be terrifying, sure, but it would be pretty sweet if you think about it.

Messy Recipe · Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 9:21 pm Post subject:

I had to fix my sister's laptop recently. When I booted it I noticed there were no services started and only something like four processes running (and I have 90+ of which all are essential, or at least extremely useful!). Literally everything in msconfig was unchecked. I switched it back to standard startup and all the problems she'd been having vanished. Rolling Eyes

She claims she only unchecked a "couple things" like QuickTime and that she definitely did not hit the "Disable All" buttons...
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ABC News wrote:

Birds can disable planes, Ostrom said, by flying into the engines and shutting them down.

massive · Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 1:08 am Post subject:

USAF 777 wrote:

I had to fix my sister's laptop recently. When I booted it I noticed there were no services started and only something like four processes running (and I have 90+ of which all are essential, or at least extremely useful!). Literally everything in msconfig was unchecked. I switched it back to standard startup and all the problems she'd been having vanished. Rolling Eyes

She claims she only unchecked a "couple things" like QuickTime and that she definitely did not hit the "Disable All" buttons...

Bet it was fast doing the non-useful things tho - lol
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Vlad Piranha wrote:

I'm offended that a zombie holocaust isn't on the list. It would be terrifying, sure, but it would be pretty sweet if you think about it.

Erwin Rommel · Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 1:17 am Post subject:

"On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
-- Charles Babbage (1791-1871)

Rolling Eyes

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