Can I get an AMEN?!

Stealth · Posted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 1:45 am Post subject: Can I get an AMEN?!

Guys DO have rules. And all women should read them.

Finally, the guys' side of the story.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
_________________
Motherfucking Triangles! Being all three sided n' shit, who do they think they are?!

Cpt. LandLubber · Posted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 3:12 am Post subject: Re: Can I get an AMEN?!

Stealth wrote:

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

A-fuckin'-men
_________________

CountChocula · Posted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 11:07 am Post subject:

Quote:

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

indeed
_________________

Quote:

[20:43] -≠∫ĆŤ∫≠- ŜρξčļαГ јỈмMﻻ: we'll aim for bender
[20:43] -≠∫ĆŤ∫≠- ŜρξčļαГ јỈмMﻻ: but use a lot of napalm

theboomboom · Posted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 12:06 pm Post subject:

Hits the nail on the head stealth Laughing

_________________
You do not say that the wheel is fatigued, yet the body is as material as the wheel

Stealth · Posted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 7:06 pm Post subject:

CountChocula wrote:

Quote:

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

indeed

I can't explain how freakin' true that is. I will act like nothing's wrong if she tells me "Nothing." I hate it when she thinks Men should be fucking mind readers.
_________________
Motherfucking Triangles! Being all three sided n' shit, who do they think they are?!

Bunny · Posted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 8:31 pm Post subject:

Stealth wrote:

CountChocula wrote:

Quote:

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

indeed

I can't explain how freakin' true that is. I will act like nothing's wrong if she tells me "Nothing." I hate it when she thinks Men should be fucking mind readers.

Just for the record, I don't do that Razz

_________________

RK-Mara · Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 4:16 am Post subject: Re: Can I get an AMEN?!

Stealth wrote:

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Shopping is still fun.
_________________

AlMightyBob · Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 6:28 am Post subject: Re: Can I get an AMEN?!

RK-Mara wrote:

Stealth wrote:

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Shopping is still fun.

_________________

firefox_71 · Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 9:13 am Post subject: Re: Can I get an AMEN?!

RK-Mara wrote:

Stealth wrote:

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Shopping is still fun.

_________________

AxeBlind · Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 8:53 pm Post subject:

Shopping is fun, if it is shopping for guns or knives.
_________________

Atomiktoaster · Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 12:49 am Post subject:

AxeBlind wrote:

Shopping is fun, if it is shopping for guns or knives.

You forgot fireworks, pr0n and alcohol. Those are fun too.

G_Gunner · Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:18 pm Post subject:

Quote:

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

hey i know what mauve is Razz