2005 Darwin Awards

K9 Carlos · Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:28 pm Post subject: 2005 Darwin Awards

2005 Darwin Awards
Darwin Awards ......2005 Yes, it's that magical time of the year again
when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among
us.

Here then, are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting
there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open
the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
_________________
-=|CT|=- K9 Carlos

SupaFly wrote:

barreling axe is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway these days

Quote:

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.

K9 Carlos · Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:34 pm Post subject:

Life Is Tough, It's Tougher If You're Stupid
One: Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

Two: I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

Three: A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive
and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing,
she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

Four: I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do
you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced
the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do
you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a
battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to
me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't
you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

Five: Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

Six: I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

Seven: My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

Eight: Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

Nine: A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency!
_________________
-=|CT|=- K9 Carlos

SupaFly wrote:

barreling axe is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway these days

Quote:

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.

Drunken Monkey · Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:53 pm Post subject:

my god................we, as a nation have sunk to an all time new low.................

i honistly dint think that there where pp that stupid..............even in the US

and yes, this is even comming from 20 year old man, that cant even spell

dont get me wrong, i have done some stupid things.............but DAMN!
_________________
YAT YAS

if You Ain't Tracks, You Ain't Shit

Stealth · Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 4:10 pm Post subject:

I have that book. And by reading it... I sometimes wonder how those guys were the fastest and smartest sperm...
_________________
Motherfucking Triangles! Being all three sided n' shit, who do they think they are?!

Brutus · Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 4:33 pm Post subject:

hahahahaha this shiznit rocks. Very Happy

Actually one line of thought is that in hunter gatherer societies indeed the smartest survive. In civilized societies it was those most resistant to diseases from which we draw our roots... Stuff like this kinda confirms this. Razz

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CountChocula · Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 4:47 pm Post subject:

I wanna see the video for the #7! lol, is there anything Plexiglass CAN'T do? Razz

_________________

Quote:

[20:43] -≠∫ĆŤ∫≠- ŜρξčļαГ јỈмMﻻ: we'll aim for bender
[20:43] -≠∫ĆŤ∫≠- ŜρξčļαГ јỈмMﻻ: but use a lot of napalm

Wang Chung · Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 6:22 pm Post subject:

CountChocula wrote:

lol, is there anything Plexiglass CAN'T do? Razz

Break.
_________________
is now -=|CT|=- Frothy Mixture

Gen. Death · Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 6:59 pm Post subject:

Wang Chung wrote:

CountChocula wrote:

lol, is there anything Plexiglass CAN'T do? Razz

Break.

_________________
将軍
-=|CT|=-Gen. Death

The wronging of the past must be made right in the present.

GotMilk? wrote:

The ones I would recruit are not the ones going "HOW DOES I JOIN TC?!"

AxeBlind · Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 11:30 pm Post subject:

I swear I have seen that plexiglass vid or something very similar before. I remember a guy throwing something at a window and it bouncing back and knocking him down. It could have been on ebaums maybe.
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Cpt. LandLubber · Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:10 am Post subject:

AxeBlind wrote:

I swear I have seen that plexiglass vid or something very similar before. I remember a guy throwing something at a window and it bouncing back and knocking him down. It could have been on ebaums maybe.

same thing, except I think i saw it on TV a couple of years ago
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Gen. Death · Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 8:20 am Post subject:

holy cow, landlubbers avatar doesnt have a christmas hat anymore! Shocked

_________________
将軍
-=|CT|=-Gen. Death

The wronging of the past must be made right in the present.

GotMilk? wrote:

The ones I would recruit are not the ones going "HOW DOES I JOIN TC?!"

Cpt. LandLubber · Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 9:15 am Post subject:

I got an iHaircut Gay

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Nugget · Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 10:24 am Post subject:

AxeBlind wrote:

I swear I have seen that plexiglass vid or something very similar before. I remember a guy throwing something at a window and it bouncing back and knocking him down. It could have been on ebaums maybe.

yea you can find a video of something similar on the website of the hacking with ramsi that wang posted somewhere
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Vlad Piranha · Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 4:27 pm Post subject:

My favorite is the snow shoveling one. I admire that man for having the courage to do what I wish i could.