Vernon Johns: A True American Hero

Special Jimmy

So I was in History class today writing a real essay about this guy Vernon Johns from the civil rights movement (Pre Martin Luther King Jr.) and I decided it could be funnier. I got home and got my brother, and we wrote an essay. Note: I'll be turning it into the teacher.

(Real Vernon Johns - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vernon_Johns )

Vernon Johns: A True American Hero
By: Brett & Travis Lilach

Vernon Johns was a great American. He loved freedom and loved the way things were. However, Vernon Johns was only human. Well, sorta. Vernon Johns was half robot. But that's only because he fought in the Vietnam War and got blowed up by the Germans, so the government created the first African American bionical man. Vernon Johns was a true revolutionary.

After finishing law school, Johns went to his true passion of inventing, and invented thee airplain. Problem was, Thomas Edison claimed to have invented thee airplain two years earlier, but because of his extensive learning of law, he sued Edison for $2.8 billion. Thomas Edison rebuked his claim and continued his work on inventing the Atomic bomb.

After flying around the world, Johns fell deep into a depression and turned to Jack (Daniels). But because the civil rights gang was kickin' it in Chicago, Johns cleaned himself up. So on August 2nd, while traveling on the Spruce Goose that he invented, Rosa Parks was being rowdy, so he drop kicked her out the front door. This upset Martin Luther King Jr. so he sent his kamikazies to dive bomb into Vernon's mansion. To get payback, Vernon Jawns climbed into his x-wing and found Martin Luther King Jr's super secret hide out in outer space known as the Death Star and blowed it up. Sadly enough Vernon was also blown away by the blast. Fortunetly, the galactic empire no longer ruled the galaxy, and the ewoks danced with Vernon's ghost.

-FIN-
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-=|CT|=-Special Jimmy

Wang Chung wrote:

MikeSty 22: they say Rome wasn't built in a day
MikeSty 22: but they never had the Fucking Cut Throats

Wang Chung · Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:39 pm Post subject:

Praise Vernon Johns!!!
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is now -=|CT|=- Frothy Mixture

theboomboom · Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:56 pm Post subject:

Jimmeh=teh man
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You do not say that the wheel is fatigued, yet the body is as material as the wheel

Bunny · Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 11:59 pm Post subject:

Awesome Jimmeh Laughing

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Stealth · Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:19 am Post subject:

This reminds me of one essay I wrote.

When I was in high school, we had something called "Directed Studies." That was the time in which you were supposed to do your homework or study. Ya know? Something productive.

My DS was located in a Gym on some bleachers. Good luck studying there. Like what the hell was that about? Can't write for shit.... Anyways,

On occasion, they would make us do stuff in DS. They told us that we had to write a paper. I was like "how the hell are we supposed to write a paper on BLEACHERS?!" They told us to do it anyways.

So I was already pissed and I couldn't think of what to write about. The paper was about students cleaning their classrooms. There was another topic too. Something about kids not learning to read and write and they're in their 11th year. I think it tied in with my topic. I dunno. And I didn't want to do it, so just when on ranting about random things that popped into my head.

You had to get at least a 4 out of a 6. I got a 3. No idea how. You were supposed to go see a teacher if you got anything less than a 4. I never went.

I'm scanning that paper now.
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Motherfucking Triangles! Being all three sided n' shit, who do they think they are?!

Last edited by Stealth on Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:39 am; edited 1 time in total

Stealth · Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:27 am Post subject:

When the teacher starts to argue with you in the paper, that's a sign they are a horrible teacher. I believe I did this in Freshman year.
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Motherfucking Triangles! Being all three sided n' shit, who do they think they are?!

Wang Chung · Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 3:55 pm Post subject:

It's funny, I immediately caught a few grammar errors they skipped over just to bash you. What a bunch of snotty cunts.
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is now -=|CT|=- Frothy Mixture

Special Jimmy · Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 12:33 am Post subject:

I got a new assignment in my mythology and folklore class. Assignment was: Imagine you are Odsseus after the trojan war, pick 3 oldtime heroes, and 3 modern heroes. (btw, I added 2 more just now)

Hey Yall, Odysseus the Great needs a crew. I've already selected my crew, and they'll be listed below. This crew has a great feat ahead of them. We are to sail to my home in Ithaca. There will be many dangers, but those brave enough to agree to accompany me on this great adventure surely will not fear.

The lucky individuals are listed below:

Hercules, with his amazing strength will be able to overcome any obstacle we face. He will inspire the rest of the crew to do their best, and if they don't he'll beat them into submission. (Talking to you, Einstein)

Next, Robin Hood, with his agility and wit. Robin will unite us as a group and will help secure our safety throughout the trip. But beware, his kleptomaniac tendencies will leave you money-less if you don't hide it.

William Kidd, known more as Captain Kidd the pirates, will use his knowledge of the sea. Captain Kidd will drive the ship and navigate the course.

Mike Stylianos. You don't know who that is? Too bad for you. He just deleted like 2 billion GB of virus infected pr0n of Hercules' computer. Good thing the Trojans didn't listen to him when we sent them that trojan horse.

Vernon Johns. Did you not read about him in Time's edition of the 100 most powerful people alive? They listed his name 99 times after Carrot Top.

Albert Einstein (Cue G-UNIT music), with his extensive knowledge of everything will not only build the ship, but turn it into a gigantic nuclear-powered Russian submarine. Also, two words: Atomic Bomb.

Batman. Well, Batman is just freakin' awesome. If the joker tries to take control of the world again, Batman and the rest of us will just make a pit-stop at the north pole. His gadgets will be able to take on any enemy we face, and his knowledge of fighting is very extensive. Wait a minute, do I see the bat-signal in the sky? Batmobile.

Finally, the best religious leader/influential figure/superhero/songwriter/baseball star/ ice skater/ mistaken for homeless person/alcoholic(He makes wine, duh) Jesus-Freakin'-Christ! He will inspire the crew more than Robin Hood and Hercules combined. He will be able to heal anyone, turn any water into wine, and he's got a heck of a poker face.

I have two words that will sum up the entire mission: impossible. But, that does not mean we will fail. Well, maybe. But hey, we got Jesus with us...literally.

And to anyone that doesn't see their name on this list, don't be angry, it's not our fault you're such a cry-baby, and not man enough like Einstein. Ha-Ha.

In closing, Shake and Bake, everyone. Don't get rabies.

Odysseus sir Awesomeness
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-=|CT|=-Special Jimmy

Wang Chung wrote:

MikeSty 22: they say Rome wasn't built in a day
MikeSty 22: but they never had the Fucking Cut Throats

AxeBlind · Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 12:12 pm Post subject:

Damn that is fucking A crazy. Nice work Very Happy

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ChrisT · Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 7:30 pm Post subject:

Who needs the rest of those guys when MikeySty is on the boat?

and I beat jesus in a drinking contest last weekend, he can't hold wine like he used to. God keeps a tight leesh on him since he got back and gets angry when he stumbles home drunk.
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